Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Martha's Calendar

For reasons still unknown to me, each month I receive the latest copy of Martha Stewart Living in the mail. There was a time when I quite enjoyed receiving this mag, loved the recipes, the garden and house porn, the insane collections that made no sense outside of the confines of said magazine. But now, when I look at the magazine, I cannot get past Martha's calendar, a supposedly real chronicle of the tasks, events and ephemera that fill up The Martha's daily life. Every time it comes in mail, I read it. And every time I close the magazine shaking my head and asking myself: Is she for reals?

I know mocking Martha is like shooting fish in a barrel (preferably one hand-milled from 200 year old oak from the forests of New Hampshire). And that she's an icon for women entrepreneurs and blah, blah, blah. But have you read the calendar? I defy you not to read it and wonder whether this woman is not totally insane. Or at the very least a member of a Stepford-style race of clones sent to make woman feel completely insecure about being multi-tasking millionaires. You be the judge. And remember that on top of each entry, she omits the rather obvious: run multi-million dollar empire!

(N.B. These are actual entries......)

July 7

  • Organize digital photos
  • Harvest raspberries and blueberries, and sprinkle them on Greek yogurt for breakfast

July 22

  • NBC Today Show appearance
  • Train with Mary
  • Dig and divide overcrowded irises
  • Sow biennials (lupines, verbascum, and foxgloves) for next year

Dag, woman. Take a nap! Get drunk! Sheesh.


  1. You know, sometimes, it's down to semantics. Instead of saying, "harvest raspberries and blueberries", you could just say, "pick some berries in the backyard," (preferably in your pajamas, with sleep still in your eyes). There's that element of self-importance that grates my cheese.

    This blog is groovy.

  2. THANK YOU!! Well put, Jen (and I'm not just saying this because you're my 1st follower...).

  3. No, you're saying it so I'll buy you liquor in Montreal.