Martha's Calendar

For reasons still unknown to me, each month I receive the latest copy of Martha Stewart Living in the mail. There was a time when I quite enjoyed receiving this mag, loved the recipes, the garden and house porn, the insane collections that made no sense outside of the confines of said magazine. But now, when I look at the magazine, I cannot get past Martha's calendar, a supposedly real chronicle of the tasks, events and ephemera that fill up The Martha's daily life. Every time it comes in mail, I read it. And every time I close the magazine shaking my head and asking myself: Is she for reals?

I know mocking Martha is like shooting fish in a barrel (preferably one hand-milled from 200 year old oak from the forests of New Hampshire). And that she's an icon for women entrepreneurs and blah, blah, blah. But have you read the calendar? I defy you not to read it and wonder whether this woman is not totally insane. Or at the very least a member of a Stepford-style race of clones sent to make woman feel completely insecure about being multi-tasking millionaires. You be the judge. And remember that on top of each entry, she omits the rather obvious: run multi-million dollar empire!

(N.B. These are actual entries......)

July 7

• Organize digital photos
• Harvest raspberries and blueberries, and sprinkle them on Greek yogurt for breakfast

July 22

• NBC Today Show appearance
• Train with Mary
• Dig and divide overcrowded irises
• Sow biennials (lupines, verbascum, and foxgloves) for next year

Dag, woman. Take a nap! Get drunk! Sheesh.