Friday, February 26, 2010


Originally uploaded by sea legs snapshots
I have the most perfect bed. Period. It is so perfect, in fact, that on many days, it is near impossible to get myself out of it. It has a great mattress (Tempurdic. Holla!), soft fragrant sheets (500 plus thread count. Holla!) and it is right next to a book and a man. Nuff said.

This week, however, I had to share my bed with two small people and, I have to say, my sanctuary became less than enticing. My youngest, a human by day, becomes a kangaroo by night. Her gentle, angelic-looking sleep is punctuated by violent random leg jabs, most of which land squarely in general kidney-area. My son - whom I have now come to call, "The Heater" - marks his nights with loud, spontaneous conversations with whomever will listen. These "chats" take place mostly in the wee hours of the morning and are characterized by the intense peril that envelops both the teller and his audience. Any attempt to wake him up, I should say, will result in utter confusion and discombobulation with general haughtiness and quiet, smoldering rebuke following quickly on its heels.

So how do I get around this in the future, you might ask? Do I tell them that they can't sleep with me when their father goes away? Not an option because it will be met by tears. Do I invent some flatulence problem that I know would dissuade them from the boudoir? No. Farting and kids go hand in hand.

No, I will do the only thing that works: I will pay them.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Random Olympic Thoughts

The following are just some random thoughts that have passed through my brain as I watch this year's Olympic telecast. Enjoy.

1. How do those women speedskaters find jeans that flatter? That is ALOT of thigh to cover.

2. Who in the HOLY HELL does Mary Carillo's hair?! They should be fired. Mary, honey, there is a reason you are on after midnight. You don't have to dig to deep...

3. Shawn White really knows what to do with his millions. A top secret half-pipe in the middle of the Colorado Rockies? Brilliant! Lex Luthor take note.

4. Who is watching all of these athlete's dogs while they are away? Do they even have pets? Can you when you train and travel as much as they do? Just wondering....

5. Which one of these speedskating dudes is going to end up dating a figure skater? 'Cause it's GONNA happen.....

6. Do the farm supply stores double up on their cowbell stock just prior to the Olympics?

7. Gone are the days of homemade skating outfits, huh?

8. Do those snowboard girls cut their own hair? And are they high right now?

9. Dick Buttons looks so sweet but sounds SO bossy. I wonder if he is.....

10. How cute is Lindsey Vonn's Olympic rings hat!? Must. Have. It. Is it too late to go downstairs and search the interweb for a knitting pattern for it? Or should I just sit here and ponder Mary Carillo's hair some more?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

B's Movies - Avatar Edition

Avatar redux
Originally uploaded by John Martz
Me: So Benoit, what did you think of the movie, Avatar?
Benoit: Best movie I've ever seen in my life.
Me: Really? That's a pretty strong opinion. Do you want to go on record with that?
B: Yes.
Me: What do you think it's chances are come Oscar time?
B: Pretty good, I think. (Pause) Is it up against Jeff Bridges, though?
Me: (Stunned) No. How do you know about his nomination?
B: I read about it in Entertainment Weekly. They say it's the only lock so.....
Me: What else did you read in there?
B: That Christoph Waltz and MoNiq are also gonna win and that Sandra Bullock's movie sucks and why is it even nominated anyway.
Me. Is that a quote.
B: I'm just telling you what I read.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sexiest Songs

Al Green
Originally uploaded by shirlaine
I was reading the "Buzz" section of our national newspaper this morning (which I've come to call the "ZZZZ" section as there is rarely anything buzz-worthy therein), when I came across this little tidbit out of New York. Apparently, Billboard Magazine has rated the 50 "Sexiest Songs". And geez, said cynical- moi. What do you know? Right in time for Valentine's Day. I read on, nonetheless. Big Mistake.

According to them, Olivia Newton John's, Let's Get Physical tops the list, with Rod Stewart's Tonight's the Night, Boyz II Men's, I'll Make Love to You, Next's Too Close and Marvin Gaye's, Let's Get it On, following close on its heels. After I washed the puke out of my mouth, I asked the obvious question. Did they mistake the Suckiest Songs list with the Sexiest? It would be an honest mistake. They are both "S" words, after all, right? ( I can think of another "S" word but I will refrain, intraweb.) And who the fook is Next? Did I miss this supergroup's rapid rise and descent while I was going for milk one day?

Are you kidding me, people? I can go with the Marvin Gaye choice, I suppose, although, my choice would have been Sexual Healing (I'm hot just like an oven/I need some loving......Need I say more). Where is the Al Green, for crying in the sink?

Tell me what we need to add to this here, people because my mind canNOT get past the Olivia Newton John. Ugh.

Monday, February 8, 2010

How GREAT is this picture?!! Apparently, these kids are watching a puppet show. Must be a good one......

This is how I feel when I'm watching Project Runway. All the emotions. All the time.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Least Complicated

clothes line
Originally uploaded by lydiafairy
It's cold outside today (-15C) and all I can think about is how much I miss my clothesline.

When you do laundry as often as I do, it is the often the pleasures you find hidden within a drudge-filled quotidian task that draw you towards it. The smell of onions cooking while in the throes of preparing dinner. The feeling that overcomes you when your child touches your face while you change his/her diaper for the third time in an hour. The feeling of euphoria that overcomes you in the middle of doing 100 push-ups (push-ups!) that makes you think you could easily do 300 more. The sound of your clothes make on the clothes line when they are flapping in the breeze. Without the promise of many of these, I couldn't embark on the simplest of task. Particularly in the middle of February when all I want to do is stay in my bed all day and read a book.

Make an effort today to find pleasure in a drudge-filled task.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Just Askin'

Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom
Originally uploaded by cindy47452

Why don't people name their kids "Gus" anymore? Or Phyllis? Or Cindy? Or Maude?

Where are all the Glenns, Tammies, Debbies, Dales and Lornas?

Why do certain names fall in and out of favour? Who decides?