Holy Mess

Toilet Paper and friend
Originally uploaded by Mochimochi Land

Dear Woman Who Just Left This Bathroom Stall,

What the holy hell just happened in here?! My brain is racing through the possibilities. Did you splay starfish-style against the walls of the stall and misfire? Did you decide to practice a little Pilates while you had some downtime?

Only moments before, we made eye contact as you passed. I made note of your cute shoes and age- appropriate haircut. Now here I stand ankle deep in your urine, wiping down the toilet seat and wishing for a HAZMAT suit.

How is all of this even physically possible?

Let me be clear: if you continue to do this - leave filthy messes for complete strangers despite being in your mid- to late- thirties - someone is going to point it out to you. Perhaps even write you up in a blog on the intraweb in the hopes that you will come to your senses and snap out of the fact that you do NOT have a penis and CANNOT pee standing up. Get me?

In the meantime, I'll be here with a roll of toilet paper wrapped around my hand mopping up a grown person's mess.

K'Thanks.

Laura Francis