Friday, December 11, 2009

Holy Mess

Dear Woman Who Just Left This Bathroom Stall,

What the holy hell just happened in here?! My brain is racing through the possibilities. Did you splay starfish-style against the walls of the stall and misfire? Did you decide to practice a little Pilates while you had some downtime?

Only moments before, we made eye contact as you passed. I made note of your cute shoes and age- appropriate haircut. Now here I stand ankle deep in your urine, wiping down the toilet seat and wishing for a HAZMAT suit.

How is all of this even physically possible?

Let me be clear: if you continue to do this - leave filthy messes for complete strangers despite being in your mid- to late- thirties - someone is going to point it out to you. Perhaps even write you up in a blog on the intraweb in the hopes that you will come to your senses and snap out of the fact that you do NOT have a penis and CANNOT pee standing up. Get me?

In the meantime, I'll be here with a roll of toilet paper wrapped around my hand mopping up a grown person's mess.


Laura Francis


  1. Oh, Man. I am pissing myself laughing right now! But I promise to clean up. Well done. Still laughing...

  2. Oh I must have encountered her. She does look like a regular gal. It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
    Does she leave and go shake hands with someone? Prepare her children lunch? I shudder to think. Yes, I've met her. In airports, fast food restaurants and schools. You know, someone like you may want to point out to her that life is indeed what you make of it, she ought to do the math.
    (here via Tracey Green, my GOD! you are so funny!)

  3. good job Laura!
    Ironic how it's the people who are so afraid to touch anything in a public bathroom that invariably leave the worst mess in the process! I just saw a spot on TV that stated the cleanest place in a public washroom was actually the toilet seat.

  4. hahahahahahah....

    this woman is Everywhere
    and i always wonder
    ----> what the %^&* was she thinking
    to walk away from such a mess?


    did she actually not KNOW
    what she just did
    did she just not CARE?

  5. I wish I knew. So sad though, huh? It makes me sad for the female race....

  6. That same woman must stop regularly at the provincially maintained (or not) 'rest stops' along Hwy 17 between Ottawa and Sudbury. I have never experienced such revolting messes. Have given up on them completely in favour of a squat on the shoulder of the highway.